WarGames
Temos peržiūra
WarGames » Wargames - mass battle » Warhammer 40K
Wh40k juokeliai
Necrontyr parašė 2008-10-09 07:38
Citatos iš The Bolter and Chainsword forumo:

Shiodome: landspeeders are fun to use, what else matters?

retlaw83: so is using your cat as a titan, but sometimes you have to try a little.

P.S. jei moderatoriai mano, kad tema ne vietoj, prasau perkelt ar uzrakint.
Zestianssik parašė 2008-10-09 08:59
Citatos is apklausos apie megstamiausia priesa:

HydroEmperor: TAU ARE TASY, a bit like watery tuna

Eidre: Eldar...nothing like chomping on immortal uppity point-ears with a brood of nids that was spawned yesterday.

BIO-TITAN: Space Marines
Crunchy on the outside, juicy on the inside. Mmmm

HighLord: I find Sisters rather favourable. They always seam to come for a BBQ with all those Heavy Flamers but forget that that means there is only 8" between me and dinner! "I love the smell of Napalm, smells like, like dinner!"

djHg: Don't you mean Khorne flakes?
http://s228.photobucket.com/albums/ee221/Mystarian/?action=view&current=Comic-Khorne.jpg
Grahg the Elfmuncher parašė 2008-10-12 18:07
What orks think about Striking Scorpions:

they'z green (this is propa)

they've got choppas that are choppier (always +1 str)
they've got sluggas that are shootier (better ap)

dem aspekt boyz got choppy in one hand n' dakka in the other, but decided that wasn't enough dakka so they put dakka on their face n' deyz use this dakka when they gets choppy.

DA skorpion boss can take a power klaw or an 'uge choppa (that's choppier than what orkses got, can get more than +2 strength), or a pair of super extra choppy choppas. and since DA scorpion boss is da boss, he's got his dead choppy power klaw, but thought "iz gotta be shootier too", and stuck a bit of dakka on.

and their dakka? It shoots choppy disks!
Dakka while choppy, choppy shooty dakka, comprehending this would make an ork's mind implode. Eldar shootas don't got range like a propa ork shoota though, so that's an arguable deficiency compared to orks.

brutally kunnin, they're real slippery and sneaky like kunningly brutal, they do this all in dead 'ard 'eavy armor. sneakin in 'eavy armor. everybody else is like "we'z gotta strip down to be slippery like". Beakies do this, umies do this, even orkses do this, but Eldar's all like " You'z all stupid, dats why youz monkeys. Iz putting on 'eavier armor, iz gonna stomp through the jungle all sneaky like and chainsaw you stealthy like cuz Eldar's da best like dat. And if youz looks at me
funny, dakka comes outta my face"

and the Skorpion Big Boss travels around the galaxy lookin' to scrap, with his extra shooty dakka face that's twice as shooty
which makes him 33% choppier, and he's got extra 'eavy armor but it's extra flashy so he can run in it and be even more
kunnin' and sneaky.

EDIT. Dis iz pikture.
Redagavo Grahg the Elfmuncher 2008-10-12 18:16
CK5Y12 parašė 2008-10-18 11:15
How do you call a lasgun with laser sights? Twin linked.

How many IG does it take to replace a lightbulb? One - he reloads his lasgun.
Redagavo CK5Y12 2008-10-18 11:16
Zestianssik parašė 2008-10-21 21:27
Hydra:
MUHAHAHAHHAHAHA

Yeah i did the most horrible thing a mini-collector could imagine. I have sawn a fw-model into PIECES.
http://album.warpshadow.com/v/Hydra/ProjectDominatrix/IMG_1782_resize.JPG.html


Veliau, jas isejo galima rast cia
http://ca.games-workshop.com/Community/Games_Day/0607Coverage/Golden_demon/winnerpages/40klarge_bronze.htm

Ir knygoj Lords of battle v2
danis2005 parašė 2008-10-22 09:22
Imperial guard army.
Scout:General, general, there a horde of tyranids coming, and it has a Hive Tyrant!
General:Men, bring me my red cloack!
The Imperial Guard fight the tyranids and manage to win.The next day.
Scout:General, general, there a horde of tyranids coming, and it has five Hive Tyrants!!!
General:Men, bring me my red cloack!
The Imperial guard fight and win again!That evening, the scout and the general are in the pub.
Scout:Sir, how does you're red cloack help you in the combat?
General:You see, when i wear my red cloack, my men can't see how much I'm injured, so they always have good morale.
The next day.
Scout:General, there's a horde of tyranid coming, and it has a hundred Hive Tyrants!!!!!
General:....men, bring me my brown pants....
ikipaskutinio parašė 2008-11-08 18:28
The Imperial Guard doesn't need cover, they ARE cover!

...

The Top Ten List why DA are cooler then IF:

The Top Ten List: Dark Angels VS. Imperial Fists

Reason #10
Dark Angels wear nifty GREEN armor; Imperial Fists wear YELLOW - 'nuff said!

Reason #9
Unlike Primarch Rogal Dorn of the Imperial Fists, Dark Angel Primarch Lion el'Jonson never had his ass kicked by Primarch Perturabo of Iron Warriors.

Reason #8
Unlike Primarch Rogal Dorn of Imperial Fists, Dark Angel Primarch Lion el'Jonson never had his ass kicked by Primarch Night Haunter of Night Lords (do we see a trend here?).

Reason #7
When the Emperor had to have one of his Legions stay behind and guard Earth while the others traveled the Galaxy gaining fame and glory, Rogal Dorn jumped up and down shouting "Pick Me, Pick Me?I'll do it?"

Reason #6
Never had to have ass saved by Ultramarines, unlike the Imperial Fists after being pinned down for months by the Iron Warriors.

Reason #5
Dark Angels have the greatest victory record of all the Emperor's Legions. Imperial Fists are 0-1-1 (no recorded victories, lost to Iron Warriors and they like to call the defense of Earth a "Draw").

Reason #4
Lion el'Jonson fought Leman Russ toe-to-toe for a day with neither Primarch besting the other. Rogal Dorn would have used the famous "Play Dead and Run Away" tactic.

Reason #3
Dark Angels have lots of nifty special items like the Sword of Secrets; what were the Imperial Fists things again?can't seem to remember?

Reason #2
Dark Angels would have NEVER screwed up the defense of Earth and got everyone killed. And where exactly was Rogal Dorn when everyone else attacked Horus?.

And?.

Reason #1
Did I mention the YELLOW armor?

...


TOP TEN USES FOR SQUAD BANNERS

#10, MARCHING: When marching into the sun the first three men in column behind the sergeant are well shaded...

#9, OUT NUMBERED: When outnumbered you can give every man a banner. Space them 25' apart and march them in the open (as far from the enemy as possible) while kicking up a lot of dust. Your company will look like an entire Chapter...

#8, DICIPLINE: Warn unruly young Marines that if they don't straigten up you will make them wear the "Combat Magnet" in battle for a day.

#7, RECRUITING: You can attach a basketball hoop to the pole when recruiting in inner-city areas. Or, detach the pole and rig it for bass-fishing when recruiting in rural areas...

#6, TRENCH COMBAT: When defending a trenchline you can place the company standard in the center of your trench with squad banners spaced 25' apart on either side. When the enemy takes position faceing your "company", hit them in the flanks from the woods...

#5, DESERT COMBAT: Stick banner poles in the sand.. 25' apart... Then hide. When the enemy discovers this, first they will assume your company is wiped out. Then they will march an extra day to go around the quick-sand.

#4, ARCTIC COMBAT: Same as Desert Combat except the enemy will march an extra day to go around the frozen lake.

#3, URBAN COMBAT: Place banners on extra long poles. While the enemy is shooting holes in the walls just below the 3rd floor window... shoot them from the first floor window.

#2 R&R: At all Imperial amusment parks Sergeant's may count the banner pole when they get to the "You must be this tall to ride" sign before each ride...

AND THE #1 USE FOR SQUAD BANNERS IS....
Arguing over who has the longest "Banner Pole" at the NCO's club.

...

The Orks are entrenched in fortificatrions on a battlefield when they here some shouting from the enemy trenches.

"One Space Marine is worth 10 Orks" So the orks cant let their 'good' name be slandered so the Boss sends ten orks to run to the enemy trench shouting "ere we go". After a couple of minutes the orks here a voice shout " One Space Marine is worth 50 orks". So the Boss sends fifty orks charging towards the enemy trenches. Ten minutes later a voice shouts " One Space marine is worth 100 Orks". So 100 orks charge into the enemy trench on the Boss's orders. 15 minutes later a solitary ork returns and reports to the Boss that " They cheated boss, there was two of um!".

...

A Dark Angel, Blood Angel, and Space Wolf all walk into a bar. Each
one of them orders a drink. The bartender brings them four beers. The Dark Angel looks at his beer and realizes there's a fly in it. He begins to moan about how he is being punished by the Emperor and leaves the bar in shame, pulling his monk's robe around him tighter. Just then the Blood Angel looks down at his tankard.

"What's this?!" he shouts, "There's a fly in my beer?!?!"

He then proceeds to destroy half the bar in bloodthirsty rage (and ruins any chances of getting with the Sisters at table 3).

Finally the Space Wolf looks down at his beer and notices there's a fly in
his beer too! He magnifies the reception on his bionic eye he sees the little Tyranid wannabe taking a sip of his pint.

"Oh, no you don't laddie!" he growls as he grabs the tiny insect. "Spit
it out, spit it out!!!"

...

Battlecry of followers of Khorne: Blood for the Blood God!
Battlecry of followers of Slaneesh: Porn for the Porn God!

...

How many guarsdmen does it take to paint a Leman Russ?

It depends on how hard you throw them...

...

Brother Scout Frederick walks into a bar on Ventarus III, which is mounted at the top of a hive spire. He sees venerable Assault Brother Jentaro sitting at the bar and takes a seat.

"So, what do you carry in that big backpack, Brother Jentaro?"

"Oh, nothing. Know what's really cool about this bar?"

"No..."

"If you jump out that window, you come straight back up."

"Prove it!"

"Fine."

Brother Jentaro jumps out the window, engages his jumppack, and flies in through the window.

"Wow, cool!"

f00lish Brother Scout Frederick jumps out the window and gets splattered all over the ground. The bartender says:

"Wow sir, you're one mean @$$ when you're drunk."

"Yeah well, this is some good fenrisian ale."

...

Chaplain Dedicus and Captain Insubordin go golfing on Ordus Prime. On the first hole, the chaplain shoots and does pretty well, getting just above par. The captain though, shoots way too hard, and blasts the ball all the way across the course, going right through a guardsman.

"Emperor's damnation, I missed!"

"You musn't say the Emperor's name in vain, for He shall strike you down!"

"Yeah yeah, whatever."

So they go to the next hole, and the chaplain shoots and does great, getting a hole in one. The captain again shoots way too hard and blows a hole through a passing rhino.

"Emperor's damnnation, I missed!"

"I told you, you musn't say the Emperor's name in vain, for He shall strike you down!"

"OK ok!"

This goes on for the entire course until the last hole. The chaplain gets par, and the captain again fails, shooting the ball off three trees and hitting his forehead.

"Emperor's damnation, I missed!"

"You shouldn't have said that! He shall strike you down!"

All of a sudden, a huge white light appears, and the chaplain is obliterated. All over Ordus Prime, every living being hears the same words in their head:

"EMPEROR'S DAMNATION, I MISSED."
The only good stunty is a dead stunty, and the only thing better than a dead stunty is dyin'stunty who tells yer where to find 'is mates
XXIcentury parašė 2008-11-09 15:24
Nice.
Žiūrėkit, aš nerandu kolkas kažkada kažkas d6 šnekėjo apie seriją pokštų kur apie taktiką "Attack them from the front".
As galvojau ten prie space mariens 685 (whatever skaičius) taisyklių, pesmečiau akim visas bet lygtais ne.
Gal kas gali surast ir nulinkint arba papostitn iš naujo?
Drago_13 parašė 2008-11-09 15:58
Space Marines usually follow the combat doctrine as laid out in the "Handbook for extra-racial and heretic termination" or "Codex Astartes". The main themes of the Codex Astartes are as follows:

* 1- Think before negotiating: If you fire at them with everything you have, could you remove the need to negotiate?
* 2- If negotiation is a necessity, think while doing so: what is the best way to cleave the enemy ambassadors in twain?
* 3- If all else fails, fighting is always the answer.
* 4- If fighting fails, you are not fighting hard enough.
* 5- If you are not fighting hard enough, fight louder.
* 6- The best approach is always from the front.
* 7- If the enemy has left their flanks open, feint and then attack from the front.
* 8- If the front is heavily defended, they are expecting a flank attack. Attack from the front.
* 9- If their flanks and front is both heavily defended but they are vulnerable to an aerial strike, distract them with aerial bombardment and then attack from the front.
* 10- If attacking from the front does not work, you are not fighting hard enough. See point 5.
* 11- If attacking from the front is still not working, you're obviously not attacking their front! See point 6
* 12- If there is no possibility for victory, attack from the front as furiously and loudly as possible. Remember, the greater the defeat, the greater the moral victory.
* 13- The more blood your armour is covered with at the end of a battle, the happier the Emperor will be.
* 14- When a battle is in doubt, cry tears of anger to the Emperor.
* 15- If the Emperor is not listening, cry to your primarch
* 16- If you don't have a primarch, cry to a chaplain near you
* 17- If you are the chaplain and want to cry, find the nearest chaos marine near you
* 18- If you are the Emperor continue cursing Windows Vista for crashing yet again on the Golden Toilet.
* 19- Administer the holy rights of leaking into a toilet before and after the battle begins.
Who Cares About Speed when You've Got a Railgun?
XXIcentury parašė 2008-11-09 16:44
That was fast, ačiū.
_____________

Once an Inquisitor, a haretic and +Cenzored by the Inquisitional order B-15.1+



Edit: +Cenzored by the Inquisitional order B-15.2+
Redagavo XXIcentury 2008-11-09 16:45
ikipaskutinio parašė 2008-11-11 13:54
An Imperial garrison containing both Space Marines and a Guard regiment had been under siege by Orks for days, and as a fighter bomma raid had destroyed the Imperial Guard mess hall, the remaining Guardsmen was allowed to dine in the Space Marine mess hall. In the food queue, a curious Guardsman (GM) attempts to start up a conversation with a Space Marine (SM).
GM: "So...you are one of those Space Marines, right?"
SM: "Correct."
GM: "Cool! You know, I've been thinking about joining a marine chapter myself and...”
SM: "You don't have what it takes."
GM: "Hey, that's just rude! You have no idea what I am capable of, I've actually killed no less that 13 xenos in my career, an...”
SM: "I've killed 14..."
GM: "That is not that impressive, I..."
SM: "...before breakfast."
GM: "...well... that's impressive. How did you join the marines?"
SM: "At the age of 12, I was drafted into the Imperial Guard to fight an army of chaos cultists. My squad was cut off from the rest of the regiment, and as we were out of ammo we were ordered to charge the enemy with only bayonets. I managed to kill 2 cultists, in spite of being shot several times while charging. Three days later, I was sent to the Ultramarine training facility on Ultramar along with 20 other recruits. I was the only one who managed to become a marine."
GM: "Wow, you are badass! What happened to the other 19? Did they wash out? Or did they get looser jobs like janitors or something?"
SM: "They died."
GM: "Ok...you have to be the most badass person I ever met! What are you? A sergeant? An officer?"
SM: "I'm the janitor."

...

An Imperial Guardsman, a Space Marine, and an Inquisitor walk into a bar.

The Guardsman says "ow."

The Marine breaks right through the bar with his reinforced skull.

The Inquisitor accuses the bar of heresy. When the bar refuses to confess or even move despite sustained torture, the Inquisitor executes the Guardsman for failing to defeat the bar in combat.

...
You might be a Space Marine if...

...you spit a loogie and killed a man.

...'unstoppable alien armies' is another way of saying 'challenge' to you.

...you woke up one morning and discovered another heart and lung inside you.

...discover that not only can you smell the creature bleeding twenty feet away, but can also tell it's never bathed a day in it's life.

...your standard solution to a problem consists of 'kill it with fire'.
The only good stunty is a dead stunty, and the only thing better than a dead stunty is dyin'stunty who tells yer where to find 'is mates
ikipaskutinio parašė 2008-11-15 12:10
Imesiu pora paveiksliuku, tikiuosi nesupyksit:)



The only good stunty is a dead stunty, and the only thing better than a dead stunty is dyin'stunty who tells yer where to find 'is mates
CK5Y12 parašė 2009-01-09 13:54
Remdamasis vienu musiu, aprasytu Horus Heresy knygose, galiu dar nuo saves pridet tokia SM taktikos nuostata:

If enemy planet is weak against orbital bombardment, confuse them by locating spaceship fleet into orbital positions and deepstrike elite company into random spot on the surface, if that doesnt succeed - deepstrike more, if that doesnt succeed - call two other chapters to help, and deepstrike more. If needed, proceed by following rules 1-12.
XXIcentury parašė 2009-01-12 20:29
[nepokštas, bet gal kiek spoileris apie Horus Heresy, o konkreciai Horus Rising]
kalbant apie Horus Heresy, tai tikslas nebuvo "to bomb the hell out of that planet", o paimti ja kaip possible gyvenama ir praplesti imperijos pasauliu skaiciu, so bomb the hell out of the place yra nonsense.
Toliau, ten pora žioplų komanderių susirinko kurie tikėjosi, jog jų spacemariniškumo užteks. Atvažiavo warmaster ir viską sutvarke. Ir galutinis warmasterio sankcionuotas deppstrike jau buvo normalus ir taktiškas, dėl jau perdaug spoilinančių aplinkybių[/nepokštas]
Redagavo XXIcentury 2009-01-12 20:29
CK5Y12 parašė 2009-01-17 22:15
Na is esmes gal ir tiesa, jie zinojo, kad ten kazkokie ateiviai tikriausiai, nes is jos gavo neaiskius radijo signalus, bet planetos pavirsiaus nesimate per atmosfera, todel bombarduot negalejo, nes galejo but ir zmoniu ten, tai sure. bet vis tiek taip gaunas, kad geriau deepstrike drasuolius, o ne nusiust koki drone, kad patikrintu kas ten vyksta, ir BE TO, galu gale jie ten isitvirtino su savo deepstraikais ir pamate vien ziauriai pavojingus ateiviaius, tai jau tada tikrai galejo bombint ir toliau test kampanija, aisku cia Dar reik prisimint, kad jie nesugebejo issifruot kitos zmoniu civilizacijos paliktos zinutes, kuri perspejo, kas toj planetoj daros, zodziu mano nuomone ta situacija tiesiog komiska:P.
Kronas parašė 2010-04-09 08:18
Prie rimtų temų šito dėt negalima

http://www.wargamerau.com/forum/index.php?showtopic=92572
If you kill one man you are murderer.
If you kill ten you are a monster.
If you kill a hundred you are a hero.
If you kill ten thousand you are a conqueror!
Boyar Aleksandr of Kislev
vytzka parašė 2010-04-09 08:37
Kronas parašė:
Prie rimtų temų šito dėt negalima

http://www.wargamerau.com/forum/index.php?showtopic=92572

Wow, awesome.
Anima Tactics: Church, Azur Alliance
Warmachine: Mercenaries
Flames of War: USSR, 大日本帝国
Mano moderatoriaus balsas yra ryskiai melynas
uruk-hai parašė 2010-04-09 09:53
danis2005 parašė 2010-04-09 11:03
Jelly cubes ^^
Vaider parašė 2010-05-14 11:45
Orkų technologijos:
http://img28.imageshack.us/i/1273835161622.jpg/

šitas prajuokino irgi
http://img641.imageshack.us/i/1273766329842.jpg/
Redagavo WhiteDragon 2010-05-14 11:53
Warhammer 40,000 - Space Wolves ~3000pts, Orks ~750pts
Copyright © 2007 - 2017